Beyond Pornography: Spiritual Formation Studied in a Particular Case
Presented at the Talbot School of Theology's "Christian Spirituality and Soul Care" conference in September 2008.
I decided to discuss the use of pornography [(porne =
prostitute) + (graphy = drawing)] because (1) it presents us with a peculiarly
vivid case of spiritual formation and possible spiritual transformation, and (2)
it is such a wide spread problem for people today, and also among Christians and
those in ministry—and a problem which generates a lot of hopelessness in those
involved.
What is pornography? It consists of writings, drawings, images
and pictures for use in arousing sexual desire, and frequently in stimulating
the body to achieve sexual discharge or release. It is on a continuum with
viewing actual people around you in order to stimulate, foster and cultivate
lust, which Jesus warned against in Matt. 5:28. The production of pornography
and its use involves the degradation of human beings and cannot be an act of
love, which wills the good of all involved.
The use of pornography is rooted in the fundamental role of desire
in human life. Desire, on the biblical understanding, is not in itself bad, but
it is dangerous because it has the tendency to take over one’s life. Desire
must be subordinated to what is good, and it is the role of the will
to see to it that it is subordinated to what is good. But the will can do this
only if it understands what is good and is strongly oriented toward it. This is
definitely not the case with those unaligned with God. In them the will
falls captive to desire: they live to do what they want. Their condition
is repeatedly addressed in the scriptures.
The general condition of fallen humanity is carefully laid out
by Paul in Ephesians 4:17-19 and Romans 7:15-23. The will is, in the fallen
personality, enslaved by desire, and so "I am doing the very thing I
hate." (vs. 15) This is a precise picture of the person in some degree of
bondage to pornography.
We really must pay attention to desire ("lust,"
"longing," επιθυμία)
if we are to understand spiritual formation. The primary role of desire in human
life is to impel us to action. If action were solely under the direction
of thought, we would never survive infancy, and life would be an intolerable
burden in which much that is good would not be realized. Lusting itself gives
pleasure, because it thrusts us in a direction and makes us
feel alive. We are "moved," hence we speak of
"passion." Thus we get pleasure from desiring itself, and desire to
desire. The gratification of desire gives us a sense of completeness and power—for
a moment or so. A depressed person is typically one who has little or no desire
and "doesn’t want anything."
Thus we do many things just to excite desire. Flirting (of
various kinds) and titillation are major parts of life in fallen humanity.
Temptation to sin is exciting because it plays with desire. Sports provide
interesting cases where one chooses to desire things of no
significance whatsoever: crossing a line with a funny shaped "ball" in
your hand, or seeing someone else do it, for example. Drugs, food, work, and
violence also brings feelings that give a sense of being alive. Pornography is only
one of many ways in which the will can be enslaved. It can be enslaved
to getting what one wants, looking good, or dominating others. Many are enslaved
to simple rebelliousness: the will enslaved by the will. Thus John says that
there are three things that are in the world: The lust of the flesh, the lust of
the eyes, and the boastful pride of life." (I John 2:16)
Now you may know of my "VIM" formula for personal and
spiritual growth. (See chapter 5 of Renovation of the
Heart.) That is,
spiritual transformation into Christlikeness results from getting
the right Vision of reality and goodness, the right Intention
and decision (to actually become like Christ), and adequate Means
to carry out the intention. In fact, however, everyone has had a spiritual
formation—including those involved with pornography, or gluttony, or…—and
it incorporates a VIM. "VIM" is the key to understanding whatever
condition one is in. What is the "VIM" of the person engaging with
pornography?
Involvement with pornography is not an ultimate, undefinable
fact that simply falls upon a person and there it is. It is rooted in a VIM. If
you want to get out of such involvement, you work on replacing the VIM that put
you there and holds you there with a godly VIM oriented to what is good to
desire. That is something you can do. God will help you, but he
will not do it for you.
So what is the "V" of pornography use? It is a vision
of women (for simplicity sake) as something to be used to stimulate and/or
gratify sexual feeling and desire. That is what they are here for. Usually this
is accompanied by contempt for women, which makes it easier to treat them as
"sex objects." In most cases this will be accompanied by a vision of
one’s own body as a source of and means to pleasure. It may be that this is
prior in time, in child development, to the pornographic view of women. These
foundations of pornographic involvement easily develop further into various
forms of perversion, as one pursues sexual stimulation and satisfaction. This
prurient "V" must be replaced by a vision of women and of oneself as
creatures of God for his blessing, walking the hard path of life where they
suffer afflictions and death, but headed for an eternity with God or under God.
A similar change has to be made in the vision of oneself.
The pornographic "I" is the intent and decision to use
sexual sensuality as a major source of gratification. Often this is supported by
the view of oneself as deprived or hopelessly burdened. In fact, it is rooted in
a Vision of God and of God’s world as a place of bitter disappointment where
humans must "go for" what is available and somehow endure the rest.
Thus the wrong vision of God lies at the foundation of pornographic
practice. Needless to say, a right view of God and God’s world
would of itself break the grip of a life of sexual sensuality. The work to be
done here should be obvious: the transforming of the mind by the truth about God
and his world. But one also has to come to grips with the fact that they
do intend and decide to use pornography (or food, violence, whatever).
Then the intention and decision not to use it must be formed. That will not be
possible until the Vision element is transformed along the lines suggested. But
then the correct intention and decision can be formed. It is possible to deceive
oneself about what one really does intend, so one must be very careful and
searching and honest in dealing with what one does and does not intend: what
they have and have not decided to do. The fact is that people engaged with the
use of pornography have decided to be there and have not decided not
to be there. But "will power" alone will not solve the problem. The
Vision must be right and appropriate Means will have to be employed to extricate
oneself from pornographic use.
Now among the primary Means to deliverance is taking care to see
pornography in all of its dimensions for what it really is.
For many people, just to see the terrible degradation of others and oneself
involved in pornography will strongly bolster their will to have no involvement
with it. This is important. It is an application of the general truth that
temptation of all kinds is defeated by "broadening the view" and
looking at the solicitation in the larger context of life and of God. Desire
overpowers the will primarily by obsessing the mind. What many think
they experience as inevitability depends entirely upon their failure to see
things as they really are. Will (human "spirit’) in its very nature seeks
alternatives and the best of alternatives. But when the person has conceded
desire the right to rule, desire blinds the mind and appears to give the will no
alternatives. (I have got to have that donut, see that picture, etc.)
But other Means must be employed in most cases. Two of the most
useful are: openness to others and resolute avoidance of
situations in which pornography can be indulged. As for openness, this may
involve confession (to appropriate persons in appropriate ways), sharing with
others in the same difficulty, a "buddy" (accountability) system with
a small group of others (not all necessarily in the same difficulty) that allows
you to meet and discuss regularly and to call on others for prayer and support
in the hard times. Another measure that can be taken here is to kneel down
publically and pray out loud for deliverance from your temptation. Perhaps
"in church." (St. Benedict threw himself into a briar patch upon the
occasion of salacious thoughts, and it seems to have done wonders for him.) Now
at this point one might say: Are you serious? My answer would be: Are you?
With respect to "resolute avoidance," make sure that pornography
is not within your reach. Get rid of it, and when tempted to replace it
resort to the helps mentioned in the previous paragraph. Someone will say:
"I just can’t do that." But anyone who says that has not decided to
break the involvement or still has the poisonous vision or probably both. You
cannot do the work at the "Means" level that must be done at the
"Vision" and the "Intention" level. And if you do not do the
prior works, Means will certainly fail to help you. Of course you can get rid of
pornography, and you can avoid replacing it. It’s not like fighting gravity.
You are in a process of breaking habits that possess all dimensions of your
being: will, thought, feeling, social context and soul. It will impose some
serious difficulties. But you can do it, and you will be aided if you are
practicing a sensible schedule of spiritual disciplines—solitude, silence,
study, fasting, worship, etc.—that are not focused upon the
avoidance of pornography, but upon the healthy fulfillment of your life under
God in the dramatic goodness of God’s world with others you love and serve. Pornography
involvement is a sure indicator of the impoverishment of life.
(Remember Philippians 4:8.)
Jesus promised that "whoever drinks of the water that I
shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall
become a well of water springing up to eternal life." (John 4:14; cp. 6:35)
By "thirst" I believe he refers to unsatisfied desire
and its ravages upon people, such as the poor woman by the well to whom he
spoke. With reference to pornography or other enslaving fascinations, we are not
talking about repressing desire or denying its reality. We are talking here
about not having the desire. The person who would change
must desire to not have the desires they now have, and be willing to do the
things on the VIM pattern that will eliminate the desire or render it of no
influence. Although there may well be cases where medical treatment, specialized
counseling, or deliverance ministries are required, most people involved with
the use of pornography have not come to the place where they desire not to
desire it. For whatever reasons, they think it is too important to them and that
they would be "missing out" if they did not have the desire for it.
That concession traps them into continued use.
Anyone who follows the path of VIM outlined above will receive
Divine and other assistance to step out of involvement with pornography. What
that means is that when something like the occasion to indulge in pornography
presents itself to them, their first thought will be: Why would anyone
want to be involved with that?
What we have said here in relation to pornography can be
generalized, with appropriate modifications, to apply to all issues of spiritual
transformation into Christlikeness, both negative and positive. The field of
Christian Spiritual Formation is an area of reality that lends itself to
knowledge and to practice governed by knowledge. One certainly understands this
from reading the Bible, and especially passages such as Colossians 3 and II Peter 1:2-11. That field is a field of play for grace, the actions of the Holy
Spirit, and all of the instrumentalities of the Kingdom of God. But it also
requires well-directed effort on the part of human beings. "Add to your
faith virtue, and to your virtue knowledge…" (II Peter 1:5)